Hi guys! How are you? Today, I want to talk about something I’ve been wanting to write about since Riley was born. The stigma behind having your last baby is something that nobody really talks about. Everyone talks about being pregnant, having your baby, caring for your baby, and all of that amazing stuff. But no one talks about the pain of having their last baby.
Bringing a new life into the world is a beautiful and transformative experience. However, as you embark on the journey of having your last baby, you may find yourself grappling with unexpected emotions as you witness and partake in the “lasts” that come with motherhood. From breastfeeding to first steps, each milestone takes on a new significance as you bid farewell to these cherished moments. In today’s blog, we talk about just that.
Why Riley Is Our Last Baby?
Before we got pregnant with Riley, Dayjhan and I both agreed that this would be our last baby. While we absolutely adore our girls, we want to enjoy raising them, take trips with them, grow with them, and then, as a married couple, be able to grow old together and enjoy each other. So three was the perfect number for our family.
The Unforeseen Pain of Lasts.
While I knew Riley would be our last, I attempted to enjoy my pregnancy. Though I was sick 90% of it, I still did everything I always wanted to do. Had a big baby shower, took lavish maternity photos, kept a journal each week. But what I didn’t realize was coming was the unforeseen pain of her being the last. When Riley was born, again I immediately started doing everything I wanted to do with her. Newborn photos, lots of outfits, lots of videos, etc. Then it really began to hit me; she’s our last. Emotional pain took over; I was so sad. I felt like I was making a mistake, felt like maybe I wasn’t doing enough as a mom with her being my last. But on the other hand, so happy to know she was the last, so I took in all the moments even more. I held her longer, kissed her more, enjoyed each moment with so much love and caution. It was such a roller coaster of emotions. No one talks about how hard it can be, how ugly and beautiful it can feel. It’s such a strange place to be in. I’m not sure you could ever prepare for those feelings. It was very unexpected. Something I never had to experience with my first two because I knew they weren’t the last.
Taking In All Of The First Lasts.
The things I have been able to relish in the most are her first lasts. Her first smile, first laugh, first words, first foods, first steps. I’ve been extremely attentive and made sure to really live in all these moments with her. Recently, after 19 long months, we stopped breastfeeding. Although I felt like I wanted to be done, once we were done and I fed her for the last time, I cried. I remember laying there in the dark with her thinking, not only would it be my last time feeding her. It would be my last time feeding my last baby. So much joy and sadness. But I’m so grateful to experience it all.
Embracing The Change & Moving Forward
I think one of the hardest things for me on this journey has been saying to myself, “It’s okay for things to change, it’s okay to move forward.” I think I felt bad, like if I accepted the change and moved forward, I was somehow betraying enjoying Riley being our last baby. I’m here to tell you right now, THAT IS SO NOT TRUE! It’s definitely okay for you to accept that yes, this is your last baby and your baby is going to grow into this toddler and this bigger kid and this teenager. That’s okay! The change is inevitable. So all you can do is embrace it. Move forward with positive thinking about how much fun you and your baby will have as they get older and able to do more things. It’s perfectly fine to feel all the feels. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like your feelings about this subject are weird or invalid. You are allowed to feel however you want about having your last baby. You are allowed to be happy, mad, sad, unsure! You are allowed to feel. But keep going, I promise it will be okay.
You Got This!
Riley is 19 months old. She is still my little baby. We have many years and a long way to go. As I do with Ivy, who’s 9, and Aria, who’s 7. I’m looking forward to those years; I look forward to each day I get to be a mom to all 3 of them. I am no expert on this, and I still have my good and bad days. But while the pain of remembering Riley is our last baby may be poignant, it’s a testament to the profound love and connection I have formed with her and am still forming. I’m just a mom sharing a subject I think needs to be talked about more. But I’m here to tell you are not alone, you are so lucky to have your wonderful baby and you got this!
