|A photo of the girls at the park with their ice cream only days before school was canceled, we were told to stay home & California officially went on lockdown.|
I typically start my blog post off with a happy, playful, upbeat tone but unfortunately, there is so much going on in the world right now it’s hard to be happy, playful or upbeat. By now in one way or another, we have all been affected by Covid 19.
I feel as if I am in denial at moments. I thought in my own head maybe if I didn’t talk about it.. it would go away. It wouldn’t be real. It couldn’t be real. It was a nightmare that we’d wake up from. One moment I might think “darn I forgot to pack Ivy’s lunch for school.” Then a minute later I realize “Ivy doesn’t need a lunch there is no school.” This virus has been something I have not wanted to open up about for many reasons. One being this is a very sensitive topic and I would never want to offend anyone in any way shape or form. Two because I have no control over what is going on which is really confusing and scary. It’s scary not knowing what to tell your little ones when they ask about their friends and school. It’s confusing when the news reports on something and by the time it gets back to you it’s been a horrifying game of telephone. But this is my blog, this is where I express myself, this is where I help others and let them know they are not alone.
The virus that is killing innocent people, making others sick and leaving everyone wondering “what’s going to happen next?” My family and I have been finding ways to cope and relying on each other to stay strong and positive. If I am being honest there has been three parts of me during this entire situation.
Part 1 is angry that our lives have been turned upside down.
Part 2 is saddened because I feel there is nothing I can do to help those sick and in need.
Lastly, part 3 is just so confused and lost sometimes I find myself staring into space wondering what the next hour, day or week will be like.
I have been lashing out on friends (I apologize you know who you are) and turning off the tv as if the news isn’t reporting on it. Feeling disheartened. But then tonight at dinner as I was having a part 3 moment I began to realize that everyone copes in different ways.
Because I cope differently than others doesn’t make me bad. Because others cope differently than me doesn’t make them bad. Because somebody chooses to turn off the tv and go build a fort in the living room with their little ones doesn’t mean they don’t care. Or because someone chooses to not turn off that tv and get constant updates doesn’t mean they care more. I have realized that everyone deals with situations in their own way and at the end of the day who are we to judge?
This virus has caused jobs to stop, businesses and schools to close, parks to be left empty, people to be left alone and feelings to be jumbled. With so much uncertainty I say a prayer every night that soon this will all be figured out. But until then I will continue to pray, I will continue to be there for my family, I will continue to talk with you guys, I will continue to do my part, I will continue to donate where I can and I will continue to try to find a way to better understand all of this.. because one day I will blog about this.